Thinking Outside The Box
by Basched
Summary: 1st story of 2 for the CFAK Rayne Summer Challenge. Prompt "Boredom."  Jayne's attention is drawn to a container brought on board by a prissy Doctor called Tam. An' not in a usual way neither. pre-rayne.
1. Chapter 1

____

Author's Note: This is just one of my stories that I came up for the Rayne Summer Challenge on LJ. A Copper For A Kiss. This is also the first part of the first story…very loosely based on the prompt "Boredom."

When I was writing this, I got quite scared as déjà vu flooded over me. I thought I had read something very similar to this before, but I could not remember where from. Another story has indeed been written, but there are major differences to mine. I am in no ways pinching ideas…nor do I want to pinch ideas or encroach on the other author's work. XD m'Kay?

Also this is beta'd by the lovely Brandywine! Bless her. Never really had a beta before, but she's helped me out. I think I've gotten all her changes done…forgiveness if I haven't. Mistakes can still be made.

Okay…that's enough of me babbling! Enjoy the story and let me know if you do. Or not. XD

Extra note: This does involve some scenes "borrowed" from Serenity. I don't own that. Or any of the characters.

_**Thinking Outside The Box**_

He was curious. Hell, more than curious!

He took off his jacket and walked round as the container passed by in front of him and immediately something inside Jayne's head tingled. There was a weird sensation as if someone had wrapped their hands around his brain and pulled it into a hug, causing the huge man to stagger slightly. He rubbed the base of his hand against his temple, but that didn't really help with the sudden woozy feeling he received.

"Please be careful with that."

The prissy core boy in his fancy waist coat and posh clothes was so stiff, Jayne was betting he could have snapped the prick in two with just his pinky, but he didn't need to be told what his own mind was screaming at him to do.

"_Be careful. It's precious and valuable. Could be yours."_

Wash was already beginning to unfasten the straps that had secured this metal crate to the back of the trailer and Jayne was supposed to be helping him, but he had crouched down beside it and placed a hand next to the control panel of flashing lights. It had a cold feel to it, not like the warmth of a fired gun or what Serenity had.

It felt as if this thing was calling out to him. He couldn't move, he couldn't look away and that tingling in his head had now become a pounding throb that he couldn't ignore.

"_You want me. You want me so much. Open me up…will be all yours." _

"Sure darlin'." Jayne muttered to the container. "Jus' soon as I figure how the gorram hell I do that."

"Jayne?"

"Huh?" The mention of his name brought him out of the trance and he shot to his feet. Wash was looking at him, waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention and for a minute or so Jayne still wasn't quite with it. Then he saw the Captain and Zoe talking together and he snapped back to reality.

"You have to unlock it from your end." said Wash, pointing to the straps next to Jayne. "You see, when those things are loosened, we'll be able to move it!"

"Can it, Wash." Jayne growled back. "I know what I'm doin'."

The pilot just gave him an _"Oh-kay. Sure ya do!"_ grin and began to unload the other belongings as the merc obviously went back to salivating at the container. To Wash and the rest of the crew, this trait in Jayne was considered normal. Yet they thought it was greed.

Jayne rested his palm flat on the top of the container and despite the obvious power that was running through it, he still felt the chill tingling at his skin. He also felt an urgent need, a need so powerful that, in the past, it had made him take drastic action.

He had a suspicion that whatever was inside this container, serious and drastic action needed to be taken for it.

"What are you doing?"

Why in the stinkin' cess pits of ruttin hell did the container belong to this core hun dan? Jayne turned round and glared down at the fancy idjit in his pristine stylish clothes, growling with hope that the guy would give him an excuse to punch him.

Jayne was going to call him a few insulting names but he then thought better of it. This man was a payin' passenger on Mal's boat and money was what they all desperately needed right now. Money meant food and food meant that Jayne's belly and Jayne overall would be happy.

He kept show of his distaste towards this new passenger to only scowling and growling at him. He then cracked his knuckles. There was a tiny reaction in the pretty boy. A hint of fear. Good! He picked up one of the smaller bags and a crate belonging to the Shepherd fella and walked off.

As he went about his job, his focus always returned back to that silver thing in the cargo bay. The niggling urgent tingling in the back of his head, the need that made his fingers twitch and his eyes sting if he weren't looking at it, was taking over.

He had to get that box open.

"_Open me up. Please. Hurry. Must be yours. Have to be yours." _

"Yeah. Gonna be mine. One way or another." Jayne smirked shoving past the third passenger and making him drop his bags. He chuckled at the bumbling idiot and walked away.

* * *

Whilst Mal and Zoe were giving the new passengers the rules and introduction to the ship, Jayne remained in the cargo bay. He sat on a crate, sharpening his knife, yet his eyes never left that container. The little lights were flashing away, he noticed there were a few more green ones along with the many reds and blues, and his mind began to wonder what could be in there.

The whetstone swept across the blade of his knife in long fluid motions, creating a soothing sound to his ears, but Jayne felt obsessed. The container weren't something that was cheap, the fact that Nancy boy owned it was proof enough, but it weren't the usual box that people used neither. It was very expensive and judging by the technical computer system attached to it meant that whatever was inside was very valuable .

Eventually he couldn't stand it any more. Jayne got up, sheathed his knife and walked over to the box. He knelt down and placed his hands firmly on the top again, instantly getting an excited judder all over his body. It looked easy enough to open, with a simple lever and catch system, but when he went to pull it, the blue screen on the lid bleeped. Jayne then pressed a few of the buttons on the side and some words flashed up on the screen. Jayne squinted his eyes to read it.

"Wor-ning. Please-do-not-press-this-but-ton-a-gain." Jayne cussed and gave the box a frustrated slap. He pressed a few more and the same warning kept coming up, along with read outs, pictures and more words he didn't understand. Except for one: "One week remaining."

What the ruttin' hell did that mean? One week remaining?

"You tellin' me I can't get in? Gorram piece of go se! Ya need to be a ruttin genius to get this fuckin' thing open! If whatever's inside is half as annoying as this gorram computer, I swear I'll shoot someone! Startin' with that prick in the suit! Argh!"

He kicked the side of the box but it ended up hurting his foot. So pent up with frustration at not being able to get the container open, Jayne looked around the cargo bay and found a crow bar. He picked up crowbar and was about to give it a few damned good clouts when he stopped himself.

The warm tingle in his head actually stopped him and that tingle increased to a pleasant haze, almost like the one he got when he was merry on the alcohol. Actually it felt better.

He eyes fluttered half closed and his drunken grin formed on his lips for a brief moment, before he shook his head and opened his eyes. He hadn't been drinking today, so why was he feeling like this?

"_Don't leave me. Don't give up. You can do it. Open me! Need you!"_

Jayne breathed deeply several times before he approached the box again, however he never got the chance to make another attempt. The introduction of Serenity to the passengers had finished and they were coming back to the cargo bay to get what they needed.

Jayne backed away and pretended that he was lifting some other boxes as the young core boy went straight to the container and began to tap at the controls. After the boy finished, he opened up a small black bag and began to place some gismos and bits inside. The other passenger stumbled into pretty boy as he picked up his own belongings.

"Oops! Sorry!"

Jayne was distracted from the two men as Zoe came down the stairs; she nodded in greeting to the Shepherd as they passed and she came right up to Jayne. She was looking at him with a touch of suspicion, no doubt wondering what he was doing here. Jayne straightened his pose and stacked a couple of crates on top of each other, attempting to give the first mate the impression that he was just keeping busy.

"Everything all right, Jayne?" she asked. The merc gazed up to see the Shepherd handing Kaylee a small box and a bag on the walkway. The other passenger tripped in the doorway to the passenger dorm.

Idiot.

"Yeah. Things are fine." he said as the ship's companion lightly glided down the stairs from her shuttle. If Inara was back from her whoring…(hmmm!)…they'll be leaving soon.

Zoe smiled. Sometimes Jayne thought that the woman could read his mind, which was damned creepy, but she too looked up to Inara and she shook her head still smiling. Jayne never tried to hide what he imagined Inara got up to, in fact he made it damned obvious. He just hoped that Zoe wasn't aware of his inclination to get into the large container.

"I'm all finished up here." he uttered, pointing to the boxes. "Need anythin' else from me?"

"No." Zoe folded her arms across her chest. "Once Wash get's us goin', we're headin' straight to Whitefall. In the meanwhile, the Shepherd is goin' to help Kaylee make dinner. I'll let you know when its ready?"

He nodded in acknowledgement and then strode out of the cargo bay. The mere mention of dinner took his mind off the box, as it so often did on other matters.

Except maybe getting some trim. Or getting into a good gun and fist fight.

Dinner! Food! Now _that_ was something worth looking forward to!

The tingle of intrigue over the fancy box faded away.

* * *

How long did it take to prepare protein mush?

Jayne sat on his bunk, bored beyond belief that dinner was taking so long. He had cleaned all his weapons and was at a loss at what to do except think of food. His stomach was rumbling even more and so he decided to get something from the kitchen himself. There'd probably be a few of those damned protein bars left but it was better than nothing.

His bunk hatch flipped open and he heaved himself up with no problem. His nose was immediately confronted by so many glorious smells that his stomach lurched and went into full on crazy hunger mode. He rushed towards the mess hall but found that the door was shut and there was a note attached to it. Written in Kaylee's handwriting.

**NO ENTRY. THAT MEANS YOU, JAYNE!**

"Gorrammit Kaylee! I'm starvin'!" he pounded his hand the door and his stomach screamed in protest as well. "Just lemme get somethin' to munch on!"

"Go away Jayne!" Kaylee's muffled voice from inside the kitchen replied. "You'll eat when its ready!"

He yelled again and he was about to kick the door when he grinned. He headed down the stairs to the cargo bay and went round to the second flight of stairs which lead to the other door of the mess hall. He got there just as the door closed and locked. There was another note attached to it.

**"NO MEANS NO! JAYNE! DINNER IS NOT READY!"**

"_Gunkai_!" His boot impacted with the door and he heard Kaylee gasp in response.

"Jayne! I'm in here with the preacher!"

Dammit!

So still horribly hungry and bored at waiting around, Jayne thought he would go back to his bunk. He thumped moodily down the stairs and when he walked past the passenger dorms, he saw through a crack in the sliding screen, the Nancy core boy.

What was his name? Simon? Simone, more like.

He was writing in a book and muttering to himself, mentioning water of some kind. Well, he was certainly all there! Good thing there was only one of him.

"_Open me up. Hurry. Please open me up." _

The tingle came back to Jayne's head and the lure of the mystery box moved him away from the boy and back towards the cargo bay. He passed the infirmary and when he got to the hold, he was pleased and satisfied that there wasn't anyone else around. Simon and that Dobson bloke weren't allowed anywhere without an escort, so they weren't going to be getting in here.

Jayne cautiously approached the container and smirked happily when his imagination wondered as to the box's contents. No one secured worthless crap in these things. So it had to be either food, weapons or priceless stuff that could be flogged for plenty of coin.

On the screen, the words "One Week Remaining" still scrolled before his eyes. As his stomach continued to moan for something to fill it, Jayne carried on pressing buttons and concentrated on the other rolls of information that came up.

"Do not open." Jayne tutted. "One week left. Do not open bee-fore time eel-lap-ses. Well that ain't gonna be any use t'me! Over-ride. There's gotta be an over-ride for the gorram lever."

He bashed his fingers urgently at the controls and no matter what he did, the response "Denied" came flashing back at him. He was persistent, at first, as his curiosity was forcing him to keep trying and so too did the strange warm hazy feeling that was pulsing all over his body.

"_Open me. Please open me. You can. You can!"_

But that excitement and joy ended with the repetition of the one word he was really getting pissed off with.

Denied.

"**Warning, do not override." **a computerized voice came from the panel and repeated again in Mandarin. It was the same annoying kind of voice that Serenity's computer announced in emergencies.

He thumped the panel.

"**Denied." **

"**Denied." **

"Don't deny me, ya piece of fuckin'-!"

An hour later, the container was still denying him access. Jayne was sitting on the floor next to it, looking around the cargo bay and absentmindedly pressing the button again and again. He was bored, hungry and adamant of getting in the rich kid's box. The droning voice of "Denied" in English and in Mandarin might have attracted the other's attentions, but he figured they were just as bored as he was, waiting for dinner.

"Is there a mute on this thing?" he asked eventually getting to his knees and glaring at the panel.

"**Operation denied." **

"I weren't talkin' you!" In even more frustration he randomly poked at the screen and then eventually decided to get up and go back to his bunk. He could be bored in there until dinner.

Jayne rose to his feet and arched his back to help ease the stiffness away. There was a crack in his spine and he felt so much better for it. He momentarily dreaded the day when he couldn't do what he did any more, his increasing years making him slow or infirm.

Jayne tugged on his t-shirt and was about to head off when the sudden and very weird warming haze made him stagger. The moment of dizziness made him slam into the yellow container next to Simon's and along with the slight pain in his shins, the woozy cloud mustering in his brain made his eyes sting.

Confused, he looked back at the container and scowled. It was just a box, but why was it making him feel so strange? Was it holding something he had no gorram clue about? Some Alliance weapon that screwed with your mind, or a toxic bio-thingy that could kill 'em?

"_No. Not toxic. Broken. Could be yours. Finders keepers…losers weepers. Everything inside can be yours if you just open me up. Please?"_

Jayne breathed a sigh of relief but was just as quickly suspicious again when he agreed with such thoughts in his head. How did he even know if the thing was broken…perhaps that was why the stupid computer kept denying him access?

"Okay, now I'm going completely Moon-brained." Jayne uttered. "Don't rightly want things that are broken."

"_You could repair, fix. Make everything better."_

"That'll be Kaylee's job. I don't fix stuff." Jayne slapped is palm against his forehead. "Now I'm talkin' to the gorram box! Ma head's completely screw loosed!"

Jayne growled and in a last attempt, he pushed at one of the panels on the console in quick angry succession, provoking the computer's voice to repeat in both languages the same words again.

"**Denied."**

"**Denied." **

"**Denied." **

"**Access denied." **

"I'll give ya gorram "access denied" you _si pi yan!_"

He pounded the panel so many times that the female voice actually began to stutter and the mandarin mixed in with the English. It was probably going into overload but there was one voice that finally distracted the merc.

"JAYNE! DINNER!"

The merc's face lit up in delight, his stomach rumbled but it knew that soon it was going to be stuffed with food. From the smell of things, it weren't no protein slop neither! Jayne took a long big whiff of the air. Egg noodles, tomatoes, rice, mash potato…and real chicken?

He slapped the panel one last time and then he went pelting up those stairs, leaping three or four at a time, quicker than Serenity on full burn.

Jayne Cobb was the first at the table.

In his haste to get fed, the garbled and screeching words from the computer carried on to keep up with all input that Jayne had given it. It took a good few minutes before the there was a sizzle and a long electronic whine. The console crackled and buzzed and then there was silence, followed by:

"**Override accepted. Manual release now available." **

* * *

"Kaylee here wishes he was a gynaecologist!" Jayne laughed and winked at the shocked mechanic as he shovelled mash potatoes into his mouth. The other people round the table went into shocked silence and as Jayne looked at them each in turn, he couldn't help but grin wider.

Well he thought it was funny.

The captain however, did not.

"Jayne." Mal sternly snapped. "You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I'll sew it shut. Is there an understandin' in place?"

The funny was gone. Mal was telling him off just for making a joke that they normally would have laughed at any other given time? Cobb gripped his fork hard, feeling the metal bend under the strain.

"You don't pay me to talk pretty." Jayne sneered back. "Jus' cuz Kaylee gets lubed up over some big city-"

"Walk away from this table." Mal's authoritative tone took on a harsher one with that order. "Right now."

Jayne couldn't believe that Mal was doing this. He stared back at the captain, he saw the offended look in Reynolds' eyes and knew immediately that Mal wasn't going to back down from this. It was an order.

Jayne snarled.

He pushed back his chair and angrily spooned some more mashed potatoes onto his plate, before picking it up and his drink and storming out of the mess hall.

Well if they weren't going to appreciate a funny joke then to hell with them.

Jayne went back to his own bunk, intending to finish the rest of his meal there, however just as he slid open the hatch, he paused. There was that darned tingle again.

He backed off and managed to close the hatch without dropping his food, a skill that involved using his foot and keeping his balance.

Slowly meandering down to the cargo bay and slumping down on a crate, he ate the remainder of his meal, soothing his growling stomach whilst his eyes glared longingly at the box.

The computerized voice had stopped, (Thank God!) and now the lights from Serenity reflected off the silver container and when he moved his head from side to side, those lights glinted like little dancing angels across its sleek surface.

Jayne's eyes fixated on the lights, hypnotized and completely oblivious as a tomato ring covered in that sauce (hint of rosemary innit) slipped from his fork and dropped into his lap.

Laughter from the mess hall broke his daze. He scowled in contempt because they were enjoying themselves and no doubt having more than one helping of the food. He saw the tomato in his lap and the smear it left over his groin and his face curled up even more with fuming annoyance. When the laughter sounded again he hastily scoffed down the last of his food, belched and drained his drink.

"They can't take a gorram joke," he gasped as the quick devouring of the meal brought on another belch.

He put down the bowl and walked over to the box, which he started to stroke and caress with light touches.

"I'm gonna get you open, see what's inside and keep ya for myself. That doc fella won't know neither. The lid'll go back on jus' fine and when we ditch him on Boros we'll be long gone 'fore he notices yer empty."

"_You won't do that."_

Huh? Jayne shook his head. It was his thoughts weren't it? If that were so, then he certainly wouldn't disagree with himself.

It was getting hot all of a sudden, sweat beaded on his brow and he swore that his skin was burning. The inside of his head was swimming and before he knew it, he was draped over the container, feeling along the impenetrable seals and sniffing just in case there was even the slightest clue of what might be inside. There was only the smell of metal and some kind of coolant and that made his nose itch. He rapped his knuckles on the lid and put his ear to metal. The cold stung at his lobe.

"You'd better be worth it, darlin'." Jayne sat up and looked at the panel that was giving the all clear for the hatch to be opened. He poked a finger at it and sighed. So it finally decided to stop messing around with him.

"_Worth it. Yes. It will. But it will not be easy…there's chaos, confliction and confusion. You will help?" _

"If it helps me, sure."

"_You might hate me. You might not like me for a while." _

Jayne nodded in agreement at the thought and shuffled his bottom over the container until he rested on the edge. He patted the side.

"Might well do. Won't know if I don't open ya up now, huh?"

What the hell was he doing? He was talking to the gorram box! An inanimate object! Jayne was not crazy, he didn't talk to things like that. Well, he did talk to his girls in the privacy of his bunk, but there was a reason. He cared for them, he looked after them and in return they kept him safe. They didn't malfunction or jam.

"_Please, Jayne. Release the catch. She'll be yours. She'll be most grateful."_

She?

She!

Jayne's eyes widened and he grinned with absolute pleasure. He slid off the side and crashed down to his knees next to the handle. The grin widened to face splitting proportions when everything became so clear to him.

There was a weapon inside this box. A beautiful, dangerous weapon and she was going to be his. The doc don't rightly need it…probably couldn't use it either, so she was going to be all his.

Shiny.

He wrapped his fingers around the cold lever and paused for a moment. He leant down and softly whispered to the box, not caring if anyone else thought it was crazy. He could soon be in possession of a weapon more precious and deadlier than Vera and that was not something that happened every day.

"So, girl. Let's take a look atcha."

His grip tightened, the muscles in his arms tensed and prepared to lift the bar up, but the sound of someone loudly clearing their throat behind him caused Jayne to let go and spin round.

Standing on the walkway, holding a dinner tray was the Shepherd.

Oh ruttin hells! Busted by the preacher.

He leapt up away from the container and tugged in agitation on his t-shirt whilst he strode over to the stairs. The preacher man was givin' him the "look" the same one the preacher back home used to do after the numerous times Jayne had been caught shooting paper spit balls at the church windows.

"I weren't stealin' nothin', Shepherd!" he said, his tone trying to sound convincing but not really working. The older man's eye brow rose in disbelief. "I was only lookin! Just getting a peek!"

"A little intrusive into the Doctor's private belongings, isn't it?" asked the preacher, still locking his judging eyes with Jayne's. "Or is that part of your public relations job?"

Huh?

"The captain said…"

Jayne bit back the angry things he wanted to say about Mal and plastered a false grin upon his face.

"Yeah. That. I'm relating for the public on this here boat, is all."

"Indeed."

Shepherds always made him feel guilty. As Jayne cautiously made his way up the stairs towards the crew quarters, the "Look" bore deep into him and he was so close to spouting out his confessions (as his ma always encouraged him to do for preachers) but the old man broke the stare first. He headed away towards Inara's shuttle, yet instead of knocking and entering, Shepherd Book paused and looked back round to Jayne. He stood there, waiting and watching, no doubt waiting for Jayne to get out of the cargo bay.

Book didn't need to. Because at that moment the rest of the crew began to file out from the mess hall and in particular the Doc came down with Kaylee at his side. As the core doctor went straight to the container, Jayne took his cue to leave.

It looked as if he weren't going to open the precious box any time soon. Now that Kaylee was latched to the doctor's side, it wasn't going to be easy to get back and open it for himself.

"_Don't worry. She'll be there soon." _

Yeah right she will.

* * *

He'd been sitting in the common area just outside the infirmary for a long while now. He was so unbelievably bored and nothing he did, not even cleaning and talking to his girls or lifting some weights was making him happy. Most often than not, the crew and the passengers were in and out of that cargo bay and it foiled his attempts to get that box open. Which left him either wandering and pacing the ship like a mindless zombie or lounging in different parts of Serenity giving everyone the evil eye as they passed him. During that time, Jayne in complete unawareness took to making etchings and carvings in and on different things on the ship. In his room there was even a small pile of drawings made from charcoal. Sometimes it was of Vera or other weapons, but most of the time, it was of a girl. A woman.

He had no clue who she was. The face was always blank and void. Featureless. But the one thing that remained constant in these bizarre sketches were the boots and the long dark tangled hair.

Now he was sitting on the sofa, with his feet propped up on a foot rest, picking at the dirt under his nails with the end of his knife. Any bits of skin and grubby black dirt that lingered on the tip he inspected with a half interested glare and then wiped it off on the sofa.

It wasn't particularly exciting. He hated just sitting, he hated that none of his usual indulgences was keeping him occupied and he hated that he still wasn't able to get into that container. Simon and Kaylee were in the cargo bay at the moment, no doubt getting all mushy and sickly-fying over each other.

After a while he then began to thump the heel of his boot into the foot rest and then he took the knife and started scratching on the surface of the arm rest again.

"Don't think the cap'ain will 'preciate you doin that."

Jayne looked up from the scratched picture of the woman holding Vera and saw Kaylee standing in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest. She did not look happy with him, which was fine and dandy. Let her be angry.

He didn't give Kaylee another glimpse, not even when she came over and slumped onto the sofa beside him. He knew Kaylee was trying to get his attention, huffing and sighing, but that it wouldn't be for long.

"That was a mean thing you said." she said at long last. Jayne grunted and continued with the sketch, even though he wasn't fully aware of what he was doing. "Jayne. What you did was really mean."

"And you've known me fer how long? Are ya just realizing, now, what kind of a guy I am?" he replied, looking at her over his shoulder. Kaylee shook her head.

"I know ya Jayne, ya ain't all bad. Though ya can be the most crudest, rudest and downright nastiest men there ever is …but ya hurt my feelings. Embarrassed me."

"I made a joke, little 'lee." Jayne looked up from his knife sketch and at last gave the mechanic his attention. His eyes scowled. "A joke ya would have laughed at! Don't pretend ya'll prim and proper and that yer ain't heard stuff like that before. I've heard a lot worse come out of that mouth o' yours, so why was I excluded from the table by saying it? It was the truth now, weren't it?"

"Well, yeah." Kaylee said reluctantly. "But…but that's not the point Jayne! Ya said it in front of everyone! People we don't know! In front of Simon!"

"So? Better he knows what ya want from him so you two can get…"

"Jayne!"

"What ya want, Kaylee? An apology? Ya know I don't give 'em out if I don't mean 'em! Like ya said, ya know me. I don't change who I am for anyone. I tell it how it is. No sugar coatin', no fannying around."

"You don't lie?" Kaylee rolled her eyes. "Yeah right!"

"Look! Ya like the prissy Doc fella and ya want him to do more than get yer nethers all tingly and wet with a bit of touchy feely? Don't cha? Yer thinking if he knows his way round yer quiverin' lady parts with his hands, then surely he'll do good with his…"

"Jayne!"

Kaylee's face blushed and she slapped him hard on the arm. She tried so hard to be offended but that radiant red cheeked grin was all that Jayne needed. Of course he was right! The little Kaylee was just screaming for the Doctor to get her all sexed up.

As the knife still scraped away at the wood, Jayne realized that the snappy come back he had made to Mal didn't help matters. It had only succeeded in pissing the Captain off.

Pah!

"So." Kaylee nudged Jayne in the arm. "What d'ya think of Doctor Tam?"

"I'm tryin' not to."

"I think he's nice."

"Sure ya do. You droolin' and flutterin' yer eyelids at him tells everyone ya think he's just 'nice.'" Jayne did the air quotes. "Look, the toff aint gonna be on the boat forever, why don't cha let him int' ya panties before he leaves?"

"Jayne! I ain't that kinda girl!" Kaylee blushed some more. Jayne barked a disbelieving laugh.

"Oh…right, so how Mal met ya was just a lie then? So Bester weren't nailing ya up against the wall of the engine room?"

Jayne received another and slightly harder slap to his arm. Kaylee couldn't help but giggle and seeing her not be pissed off at him any more was alright. Her smile became infectious.

He did like Kaylee, she reminded him of Mattie in so many ways. Kaylee felt like a sister to him and no matter what others thought, there was no way in the 'verse that he would let anything hurt her. If anyone did, they'd die at his hands.

"So…what ya sketching on the captain's furniture?" she asked, implying also that Mal would hurt him if he found out. "Oh…that's…pretty. It's very good!"

Jayne hadn't known exactly was he was sketching, but looking at it now it felt weird. It was of a girl. The same small thin girl with a dress and combat boots that he had etched in the engine room, his bunk, on the wall on the bridge, and other various locations on Serenity. He was etching the details so precisely, but her face was blank. Just like all the others. He suddenly became aware of what he was doing and now that he saw his "artwork" he was quite astounded. Not by his skill, Jayne had always been able to draw well, but the form of this young female was amazing. She was a mite bit peculiar, very intriguing and there was a feel of exciting danger to her.

"Who is she?" asked Kaylee reaching over with a hand to feel the grooved lines. "Someone you know?"

"Nah. Not really."

"_Jayne! Jayne! It's Simon!" _

The knife went from being an artist's tool to the weapon it was supposed to be, within a blink of an eye as Jayne sensed that something was wrong. Kaylee noticed his immediate change. His body stiffened to attention, his eyes widened in alarm and then his head tilted to one side. Listening.

There were raised voices coming from the cargo bay.

He rose to his feet and slowly began to make his way towards the door. Kaylee got up and followed him.

"_Be careful! Please be careful!" _

The voices became louder, more heated and confrontational.

"For god's sake!"

"You think I wouldn't shoot a Shepherd? Back off!"

"Just take the kid!"

Kaylee pushed past Jayne and ran up the steps.

"Take your hands off me!" Jayne saw Kaylee's confusion at hearing Simon's voice.

"Get the hell down!"

"_Jayne! Don't let her get shot! Don't!"_

Huh? What?

It was too late. Kaylee stepped through into the cargo bay.

"What is-?"

The sound of a gun shot ran out and Jayne watched in horror as Kaylee looked down at the bleeding hole in her stomach.

* * *

Don't let her die. Don't let her die.

Jayne crouched down by the small window and peered in at the infirmary as Simon tended to Kaylee's wound. She was doped and out of it, but this was all talking too long. He couldn't stand waiting around not knowing if she was going to die and at the same time, along with all the worry over little 'lee, there was the crazed confusion of that warning.

Nothing was making sense to him. Back on Persephone, when he was drawn to the intriguing box, he thought the weird tingling and haziness was nothing except his curiosity and greed. It was way more than that, this was beyond confusing. It was messing him up something bad.

Was it a weapon in there? Some kind of new Alliance tech that sent folk round the bend? Or was there-?

Jayne managed to take his eyes away from the window and he looked over to the sofa, where he had scratched the faceless woman on the arm.

Might there be someone inside that thing? Was the container a cryo-chamber keeping a real person inside? That girl? What sick fucked up things had Simon been up to? Had he been abusing that girl and that was why he was on the run from the Feds? Was he kidnapping her for someone else even?

The thought of him doing gross things like that riled him up again, he didn't want that Doctor touching Kaylee now, even though he was the only one who could help her.

"_It's not what you think."_

"The hell it is darlin'." he uttered when he heard those soft words now sound so feminine and fragile in his mind. "He ain't gonna get to keep ya, not now. I'll make sure of that. He hurt ya some and that don't sit right with me."

"_You don't understand."_

"NO!"

Jayne smiled.

"Looks like I'm about to, darlin'. Cap'ain's gonna open up ya box."

He rose to his feet as Mal stormed past him, yet as soon as Simon ran after the Captain, Jayne manoeuvred behind him and locked his huge arm around the scrawny doctor's throat. Simon tried to struggle in his grasp, his hands prying in a futile attempt to get the thick-muscled limb off him but Jayne clamped his other hand on the back of Simon's head. Ready to snap his neck if need be.

"_No! Please don't!" _

"Where's the fed?" asked Mal. Jayne smirked as his body shoved Simon's along after the Captain.

"Secured. Shepherd's with him. Seems to think he's not safe alone with me."

Book was right. If the Shepherd left him alone, Jayne would have made sure that Dobson understood just how upset this Public Relations officer was.

Mal approached the cryo-box and pulled it out further into the open. He pulled up on the handle, breaking the seal and that released a waft of cold smoke into the air. Jayne saw Zoe and Wash coming down from the bridge but he wasn't interested. He shoved Simon further forward, ignoring his protests, making him watch as Mal kicked the lid right off.

"No! Don't!"

The chilling smoke took a little while to clear, but when it did, when Jayne caught a glimpse of pale white naked flesh, his arms released Simon from the choking hold and he took a few steps closer to get a better look.

It was the girl. A young girl, naked and curled fast asleep in a padded lining, the girl that had been whispering in his head. His breath caught in his throat. She was cute. More than cute, beautiful. Her skin was moist and damp, a little blue from the cold, but flawless and Jayne felt the urge to go over to her and put something warm over her. He wanted to lift her up out of there and get her away from this sicko doctor.

Simon made a start to run over to the cryo-chamber but Jayne grabbed hold of his upper arms and held him tightly to the spot.

"I need to check her vitals!" he cried, desperately.

Mal said something. Jayne wasn't quite listening, because he was searching, searching for the sounds of her voice in his head, for signs that she was going to come out of her sleep. But there was nothing, she was silent. So quiet and still. His tongue ran over his lips. She was incredibly beautiful sleeping like that.

"Oh I'm sorry? Was this one for you?" Mal said in his sarcastic tone. "Is it true love? Because you do seem a little-!"

A frightening and piercing scream rang out through the cargo bay as the girl bolted up right. The scream shrieked louder and the girl looked beyond terrified as she began to twist and turn, panicked, in her confined box. Jayne and the rest of the group took several steps back as she then scrambled over the edge and onto the floor. She was so afraid, she looked lost and alone, shaking and petrified as she writhed about.

Jayne saw all of her. She couldn't have been more than seventeen and his adoring stare at her unblemished smooth skin, his staring at her barely developed but perfectly round breasts and at the dark wet curls between her legs, made him salivate. He couldn't help but be attracted by the sight of her, even if she was in such a fragile state. She had asked for his help, said that she would be his….

If Jayne did right by her, things could work out. The doc could be sent packing and the gal could remain on board. He'd look after her.

Her head looked up and around at everyone and everything, her scared brown eyes flicked from Mal, to Zoe, to Wash and Simon and then lingered on Jayne. He kept his grip tight on Simon and went to edge forward, in the hopes he could tell her that it was going to be okay. He wanted to tell her that she was safe and that everything she had asked of him was going to happen. He was going to make sure she was all right.

But the naked girl didn't even recognize him. There was nothing as she slammed her back into the chamber and tucked her knees up against her body. Her shaking hands reached up to her face and one lot of fingers wrapped around her wet sodden hair and began to tear viciously at the threads.

What was wrong with her? What had he done to her?

Simon wrenched himself free all too suddenly from Jayne's grasp and before the merc could do anything to stop him, he rushed over to the crying girl and knelt down in front of her. Slowly he held his hands out towards her.

"River?" His voice was aching with sorrow, Simon's face looked just as afraid as hers did, but he then held lightly at her shoulders and edged in closer to her. "It's okay. It's okay! I'm here."

Her twitching and shaking quickly calmed and the girl called River finally began to focus on the man in front of her. There was recognition in her gaze, her panting hard breaths soothed and then stopped.

"Simon." The tears were swelling up in her eyes. "Simon! They talked to me! They want me to talk-!"

"They're gone!" Simon gasped as the momentary calm from her lapsed into more frightened sobbing and writhing. "They're gone! We're safe now! We're safe! We're safe! I'm here!"

Jayne watched as River's arms latched around Simon's neck and he in return embraced her hard, holding and covering as much of her naked body as he could. From the comforting hold that Jayne wished he had been doing, River settled and calmed in Simon's arms.

"What the hell is this?" Mal voiced Jayne's own thoughts before he could say anything.

There was an achingly long silence and then Simon turned his head to face the Captain.

"This is my sister."

* * *

Jayne Cobb's world had just turned upside-down, it also did a few flips and somersaults as those four little words sunk in to his head. He was gob smacked, aghast at that one very important word in that sentence: Sister.

She was his gorram sister? That changed everything.

Jayne stood rooted to the spot, barely comprehending anything that was going on around him as the rest of the crew all began speaking at once. He just watched River Tam, still shaking in her brother's arms, with his fists clenched and his teeth grinding in frustration. If anyone was asking him for his opinion, he wasn't sure he'd be able to give it.

Who was she? What was she? Had she really been talking to him whilst asleep in that cryo-stasis chamber? How was that even gorram possible?

It was freaking him out, as was the fact that his body still refused to stop reacting violently strong with arousal towards her. There was no way she could ever be his now. Not that he knew they were related and that she could well be and quite probably was crazy.

She was muttering things as Inara gave Simon a sickly yellow/gold jacket to cover River's nakedness. She was jumpy and weary, scared of her new surroundings and of the people around her. She just hadn't got a damned clue of what was going on!

There was more talking, about what…again Jayne wasn't sure or even listening. He wanted to see if the girl would eventually recognize him now that she had calmed somewhat, but it seemed she was only wanting to be close to her brother.

He maybe her sibling, her kin, but that didn't mean he wasn't the one who had been messing with her, abusing her. Alarmed at that line of thought, Jayne finally found feeling in his feet and as Simon began to walk her out of the cargo bay, Jayne followed.

Mal caught his arm.

"What are you doin?"

"You gonna just let him be alone with her?" Jayne hissed. "Just cause they're brother an' sister, it don't mean he ain't the one that's screwed her up!"

"I don't think he is responsible, Jayne." Inara said having overheard his concerns.

Of course, she would think she knows. Jayne understood, companions were skilled and trained to read people and know them, but he wasn't going to take any chances. Mal thought the same. He merely nodded his head and so Jayne followed the siblings.

River was groggy, slow and tired as Simon led her towards the infirmary, her feet were barely able to pick up off the floor and so Simon had to bare some of her weight. When they reached the door and she saw the blue hued room the fear immediately came rushing back. She pulled away from the door, shaking her head and whining with fear, clearly indicating that she didn't want to go into the room. Whether it was because that Kaylee was still unconscious in there or there was another reason she was afraid of the room, Jayne didn't know, but Simon convinced his sister to go in.

Jayne took up position by the window, kneeling down and bending so he could see what was going on. The girl was sat up on the raised "bed" next to Kaylee and as her brother began to prepare some kind of medication, she looked around the infirmary with dull empty eyes and a sullen expression. She made faces at her brother as he was talking to her, telling her about medications that would help her; but as he loaded up a hypo River looked at it and poked her tongue out.

Very child like.

The girl didn't look at Jayne. Her lack of interest or even her awareness of him made Jayne resent her a little. A lot actually. However when she finally did lock eyes with him, she glared at Jayne as if he was just some backward uncouth yob from the Rim, someone who she thought she was better than.

He didn't like that. No one looked at him funny and got away with it, but when she stuck her tongue out at him, the anger at having been considered low and Rim scum faded. That resentment was replaced by regret. For the pretty little thing was not all there.

How could anyone look after this kind of crazy? How could Jayne? There was no way he could manage it. She had no clue who he was, but he was sure, certain beyond doubt that she had been whispering inside his head and making promises that now would never be kept. River began thumping her feet against the cabinets beneath her, a bored alternating beat as she carried on looking around the room with her eerie glazed eyes.

There was no life inside that girl and maybe that was why all his etchings of her had been without a face.

The needle of the hypo edged closer to the patch on her arm Simon had gently swabbed with a wipe and in that instant Jayne rose his gun. He was at the door aiming the weapon at Simon before the needle could touch her skin.

"What you puttin' in her?" he barked, startled that he would still care.

Simon didn't want to take his eyes of River, who was completely ignoring Jayne. She found the ceiling more interesting.

"I'm not going to poison my own sister." the doctor snidely remarked. "I'm offended you think I would, especially after everything she's been through."

"Don't know you from jack shit, doc." Jayne said. "For all I know she might not even be your sis. Just got your say so and right now, that ain't holdin' up a lot of worth for me. Or the Captain."

"Such concern from the public relations officer." Sarcasm dripped from Simon's lips. "I'm touched."

"I ain't wrong."

"Think what you will." Simon sneered. "Or can. I'm going to help my sister."

The hypo injected in River's arm, Jayne watched her flinch and heard her whine as Simon then eased her down onto her side. He placed a blanket over her body and stroked at her face whilst at the same time taking hold of her hand. She smiled weakly back at him, yet that smile faded as a tear streamed down her cheek.

Jayne remained by the door, yet his gun slipped back down by his side. He watched the two of them comforting each other and he then realised that there was no way that Simon would hurt her.

The young man looked deeply in the eyes of his teen sister, he held her hand and supported her in the same way that Jayne had done for Mattie when she had been seriously ill.

The doc weren't lying. But that didn't make Jayne like him any more. In fact, how Simon was being to her, comforting River as the medication sent her off into a drowsy sleep, made Jayne hate him more. The irrational thoughts the merc was having at seeing her like this, of feeling so strongly towards a girl who was half his gorram age, was riling him up.

He didn't let his mushy feelings get in his way. Since he had left home, become a mercenary for hire, nothing had penetrated his hard exterior shell. Now, this girl (this cute thing) she had. She's gotten into his mind with freakish mind…getting into skills and she no doubt knew things that he didn't plan on letting anyone know. Not ever.

River Tam was going to be a problem for him. Jayne Cobb wouldn't be able to be himself around her and to add on the whole projecting her voice inside his head thing, (and the damned physical attraction!) she and her brother were fugitives. That meant fed issues.

This brother and sister were going to make things not go smooth. He just knew it.

Jayne was torn. His feelings that were normally straight forward and easy to handle were becoming a mess and River Tam was the cause of it. He wanted to do so many things; hear her voice inside him again, have her acknowledge him, smile for him…but he also wanted to keep her and her prissy brother away. Get rid of them, get them away from here so the Feds won't be after them and he won't be so confused. He also didn't want to have these fuzzy warm mushy feelings he had when he looked at her.

"You finished there?" he snorted, lowering his gun down by his side.

"Can you give us a moment?" Simon replied, frowning at being rushed. "I want to make sure she's okay."

"Well don't be too long. The Cap wants an explanation and so do the rest of us. We don't take kindly to bein' kept waitin'."

Simon ignored him and focused back on River as she was falling deeper into sleep.

"It's okay mei mei." he whispered, as she wriggled on the hard surface below her. "I won't be far away. You just rest."

"It's too noisy," she murmured. Her soft lilting voice made a warm shiver jilt down Jayne's spine. He tried to shake that feeling off and turned away from the door, but he couldn't resist looking over his shoulder. "They want me to talk. He wants me to talk…"

Jayne's eyes widened when at last she looked straight at him.

"Not right now, River. Just rest. I won't be long."

"Simon!" Her hand squeezed hard on his. "They want us to leave. We can't stay."

"You don't know that, yet. We don't know it. I have to talk to the Captain and he might allow us to go to Boros."

Simon stroked her hair again and then eased his hand out of her grip. He got up and as he walked slowly to the door, Jayne peered again over his shoulder. She was getting tired, but through her barely open eyelids, the girl was glaring at him.

"Can't talk to you. Can't speak, can't feel. Can't think outside the box."

Her mutterings caused Simon to go back to her, but Jayne clamped his hand down on the younger man's arm. Simon tried to shrug him off.

"Let her be. She ain't goin' nowhere," said Jayne. Not yet.

Both the men remained a while longer as River finally went into her medicated slumber. Jayne and Simon stood in the door of the infirmary watching her sleep next to Kaylee, though as Jayne focused on the little thing that had eerily (and ethereally) talked in his head, Simon allowed a sad and regretful glance at the unconscious mechanic.

Jayne eventually couldn't stand the conflicting emotions in his head and he jarred his hand against Simon's shoulder, spinning him round.

"She ain't talkin' no more," he said. "You however…had better do good talkin' for what you let happen to our lil' Kaylee and to the rest of us."

Simon didn't say anything, though the look of guilt, shame and worry upon his youthful soft features spoke volumes. His head hung low and he walked away.

"Well darlin'," Jayne hissed to the sleeping River Tam. "Looks like ya ain't ever gonna be mine. Not now. Yer gonna get gone and I'll tell ya…I ain't gonna regret it. Not one bit. Dong ma?" He already did.

* * *

Jayne withdrew his knife and held it out for the prisoner to see.

"He was non-specific as to how," he said, with a hint of joy in his threatening tone. Mal shook his head.

"You're only gonna scare him," he ordered. The look of disappointment was evident in the merc's eyes.

"Pain is scary," he said, hoping that his statement would be enough to change the captain's mind. Mal went to the door and as he turned round he looked at his merc.

"Just do it right."

The door to the passenger room slid shut and then Jayne was at last left alone with Dobson. The man who had shot Kaylee was going to suffer, and Mal had said he had to do it right. This was going to be good. He grinned as he stepped down to the lawman's level and as he sat down, he could see the fear clearly in the man's eyes.

"Do you know how much trouble you're in?"

Jayne had to snort with laughter there.

"Gee! Never been in trouble with the law before!" he replied sarcastically. From the sweet age of five Jayne's long streak of getting in trouble with the law started with the breaking into the local Sherriff's office, trashing it and nicking his guns. As punishment he was locked in a cell for a week, but that only happened because his ma had insisted on it. Of course, since following in his father's footsteps, he had gotten into much more serious trouble. Being with Mal on this boat wasn't much of a difference.

"No, not like this, you haven't," Dobson replied. "You think this is just a smuggling rap? That package that boy's carrying-"

"It's a girl." The warm haze swam inside his head again, his eyes looked away from Dobson just over his shoulder and despite all his efforts, despite everything he had learnt about River, he couldn't shake the physical desire his body was having. "She's cute too. Except I don't think she's all there, y' know?"

Jayne lifted the point of his knife next to his temple and twirled it round in a circle. Then his eyes swooned down towards the ground and he thought back to River's emergence from the cryo-box. Her perfect nakedness in his memory made him lick his lips.

"Course….not all of her has to be." His voice deepened, his eyes fleeted down to the floor of the dorm and he was lost in a lurid moment. When Simon had explained what had happened to his sister, it had made more sense to him. Government had played around with the girl's brain, fucked her up big time, but he had voiced his opinions to get rid of both of them. They needed to be gone, got rid of, but Jayne was furious with himself that he was still thinking on her…not all of it in good chaste ways.

Right now he thought of flesh on flesh, his and hers, River panting deeply into his ear and him plowing into her, gently and softly at first then harder, deeper. _"More! More!" _

_Ta ma de! _She had to go!

"She's a precious commodity!" Dobson's irritating voice interrupted his thoughts. "They'll come after her. Long after you bury me, they'll be coming."

"I'm not gonna kill ya Dobson!" he laughed, hoping it would hide the very concerned thoughts he was having toward River. He slapped the flat blade of his knife on the other's man's knee, again hoping that the action would keep hidden the conflict inside of him. "What's your first name?"

"Lawrence."

"Lawrence…" Jayne nodded and smiled when at last the vivid enticing thoughts of River were replaced by his urge and desire to hurt on this guy. A good hurting would do wonders. "I'm jus' gonna cut on ya until ya tell me how much they know."

"They know everything!" the law man blurted out in fear. "Every name, every record, they know how many…nose hairs you've got!"

Jayne was quite startled on that sudden outburst of information. No one gave up that quickly, especially not a lawman. He gazed into Dobson's eyes to fully register his fear and it was as thick as anything, accompanied by some good old desperation. He was lying…that much was obvious.

"See! They don't know a damned thing!" he scoffed as he rose to his feet. Jayne walked to the sink in the corner and gestured with his knife in frustration . "It's all over your face! I ain't even-!"

He sighed like a little boy who had been told he couldn't play target practice.

"I was gonna get me an ear too!" He swiped at the wall with his knife. The whine of disappointment then changed to confused irritation. "Aren't cha an officer of the law? Well? Don't they teach you to withstand interrogation? Ya can't even tell a damned lie!"

Dobson drooped his head down and sighed. Jayne watched though as his eyes moved rapidly from side to side, as he tried to think up another way to get out of this mess.

"Okay. I can see you're not an idiot."

"Wish I could say the same, Lawrence, but this is disappointing as hell."

"Let me speak a language you will understand."

Jayne rolled his eyes. Now what was this horse's ass gonna propose to him?

"Money."

The lawman had Jayne's attention.

"This girl is worth a lot of money."

There was going to be an easy way to get rid of her! Jayne smiled as at last he would be able to get back to normal and get rich in the process.

Yet that hope was quickly diminished when he realized what he had to do and that it wasn't going to be simple as he thought.

"Does helping you mean turning on the captain?" he asked coldly and with a lump in his throat. Dobson looked him straight in the eye.

"Yes."

* * *

"Speak to me."

Jayne sat on the raised platform on which River's bed stood. Her brother was on the bridge talking to the Captain now, so he took this opportunity to come to grips with what had happened the past few hours and days.

The brush with Reavers had been too close for his own liking.

He had almost done as Dobson had wanted of him, he had nearly shot the captain instead of that nut job in the top hat on Whitefall, yet he wasn't entirely sure as to why. He kept telling himself it was because he saw Mal throwing the coin back to Patience, that the offer of even more money to get his own ship was greatly tempting. But he wasn't entirely sure.

Dobson was now dead with only the buzzards to keep him company and even though Jayne still wished he could have hurt the guy for shooting Kaylee, he was pleased he was off the ship.

Mal had been the faster rider and he'd gotten back to Serenity first. Even as Jayne ran after Mal, he saw Dobson holding the gun to the girl's head.

He saw her fear and her anguish and in that moment he had paused. He had stopped as he felt a choking fear rise up in his own stomach and throat, for the panic of seeing someone threaten River invoked a curious anger and desperation he had never felt before. He had actually worried that she was going to be killed and his momentary pause had allowed Mal to shoot the bastard first.

River was comforted solely by her brother, but reality and danger of their situation was what worried everyone else. The Reavers.

"_Gorram Reavers. Won't ever get eat. No ruttin' way." _

The Crazy Ivan, the make-ya-spew mid air reverse manoeuvre to out smart the Reavers was spectacular. Kaylee still recovering from her bullet wound had to rely on Jayne and Book to make the necessary adjustments and gorammit what she told him had been damned complicated, but it saved their bacon. The joy he had felt when they escaped was overwhelming. At that moment, when Mal had announced they were safe, he had whooped loudly and punched the air, feeling an amazing joy that he was alive, but now as he watched River lying silent on the bed, all that happiness had drained away.

"The Captain thinks I helped Dobson escape," Jayne said, looking over his shoulder into the corridor, making sure Simon wasn't returning. "Mal, your brother, in fact everyone else on this damned boat can think so. Even you. Don't really care…"

He shifted a little on his bum and leant forward toward the sleeping girl. He resisted the urge to reach out to touch at her tangled messed up hair and then he sighed.

"You an' me…we gotta problem. The captain is thinkin' of keeping you onboard and that won't do." Jayne rubbed the back of his hand across his brow. "I don't rightly know why you're ignorin' me, not acknowledgin' what I did for ya, but I don't take kindly t' bein' used or played with. So I'm gonna say this once, and only this once. Speak to me. Speak like ya did and say you meant everythin' or if not…you'd best keep out of my way. I mean it. Things don't turn out pretty girly, if you piss me off."

Jayne had an urge to say a lot more than that, but he doubted that she heard anything anyway. River jerked a couple of times in her sleep and turned over, her back now facing him and so that was the signal for him to get up and leave.

He paused in the door way, waiting for that voice of hers to whisper again in his mind. He hoped for her gratitude, the confirmation that he was needed to be something more, but there was nothing except his own thoughts. She wasn't what he had wanted at all.

She was just a Government screwed fugee. A girl far too young for an aging hun dun like himself. So he wasn't going to tolerate her no matter how stiff and sweaty she made him and if Mal had any kind of sense, he wouldn't let her and Simon stay either.

Jayne felt the discontented growl rumble in his chest and in his throat. He knew that his lingering in the doorway was stupid and futile and at last he gave up on the hope that she was anything special or life changing and turned away.

If he had just waited a few seconds longer, then the following months and years would have been very different.

River turned over to face the still open door and beneath her tangle of wild ruffled hair, tears streamed down her cheek.

"Don't want to stay away," she muttered, pulling on her hair. "Keep close, keep safe. Want to cause trouble. She aims to misbehave."

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Again major thanks to Brandywine for beta-ing my fic. Enjoy ya'll. lemme know what you think. _

_**Epilogue **_

Most of her year and a half spent on Serenity was a jumble. She remembered a lot about what had gone on, but it was never in any kind of order nor did it make a lot of sense to her. It made even less sense to the others around her as she failed to communicate, most of the time, what she was trying to say.

Everything hit her all at once and did so with such intensity she couldn't assemble all the bits together. She couldn't help but feel everything, her emotions clouded her rationality and no matter how many times Simon asked her about what happened to her in the Academy, she just couldn't explain.

Other people's thoughts and feelings invaded her head along with secrets she didn't want to know. She couldn't clearly access everything as it all overlapped and it seemed that everyone was shouting at her. She was crazy.

She was everything he said she was.

Yet now, it had all changed.

The secret was revealed. The moment they saw the poor woman on Miranda and when the Captain had transmitted the signal from Universe's moon, the weight lifted off her mind. The pressure eased as the truth behind the Reavers became known and her purpose was recognised, River Tam felt relieved. More normal.

Not completely. Never completely.

There were other secrets hidden within and they still battled against her to be kept hidden away. She would find out, she would know and one day in her life there would only be the noise of people's thoughts and not the pain of resistance.

Today, she found out another secret. One she had forgotten.

Sleep was deep and restful. Those kind of nights were rare, very rare, but whilst in REM slumber, she felt the other's voices fade, almost as if a decreasing tide dragged away from her wrinkled shore.

The sea was the rest of the verse, continuously and eternally crashing upon her. Now as the tide pulled away, it revealed wrinkled sand, an eroded coastline that was River Tam. In between the bumps of her brain, the thoughts, the water of others still remained, but only as mere trickles, hardly audible emotions.

However beside the numerous pools that belonged to those she had formed strong ties with, (Simon, Mal and the rest of the crew) there was one that fascinated her. It had grown considerably, it was just as large as Simon's and it had opened up and extended beyond the confines of the rock barriers that had kept it secure from the others. The murky depths were clear now.

Jayne?

River bolted up in her bed and remembered everything. His behaviour made sense to her now, his anger and hatred, the betrayal on Ariel.

Tears strolled down one side of her cheek.

"I forgot," she gasped, slipping out from under the covers. "I was bad! His resentment was my fault!"

River scrambled up off her bed and scurried to the door where she threw it aside so hard, that it nearly came off the runners. It crashed loudly, waking Simon and Kaylee up from their own sleep, but River didn't care.

She had thought she had been awake. The truth was finally out and now there was this. River couldn't understand how she missed it, her mind calculated and theorized the possibilities as she hurried through the ship, stopping for nothing, caring little if she disturbed the crew.

The stairways and the mess hall were blurs, in fact she didn't even recall slamming open the hatch to Jayne's bunk and jumping down.

Through the darkness of his room, River saw him lying on his front with his legs hanging over the edge and his face smooched into the pillow, muffling the snores. Well, he was pretending to snore. His concealed hand wasn't fondling at his groin, it was holding a weapon.

"I'm sorry." She approached the bed, cautiously.

There was a growl followed by an angry mumble from the folds of the pillow.

"Git outta my bunk, moon brain. Else I'm gonna re-decorate my walls with your innards."

Threatening, hostile and mean, he was being himself but she knew the reason why. Jayne Cobb wasn't the big bad wolf all of the time, he wasn't as mean as people thought he was.

"I came to say I'm sorry that I forgot." River said, crouching down level with Jayne's head. A single eye opened and scowled at her, and Henrietta's barrel peeked out from beneath the blanket.

"Well ya done it. Now scram."

She shook her head. Both his eyes widened and the blue fire within them screamed at her. He bolted up right and tried to shock her but she had expected that from him. He was so clear.

"No?" his voice warned angrily. "You break into ma bunk, disturb my peace just to say yer sorry? What is the matter with ya?"

River opened her mouth to speak.

"Ah! No! Don't even bother, ya feng le brat! We go down that list, we'll be here forever!"

River sank down onto her bottom and brought her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on top of her knees. Her lip pouted and she tried to put on the most apologetic look she could muster that might get through Jayne's anger.

"So many things are wrong with me," she agreed, which startled the merc slightly as he wasn't expecting her to do so. "But the man called Jayne is aware of what I am, what was done to me and I know that he doesn't hate me for being that. You don't blame me for what I've become. You hate me because I forgot and I am here to apologize."

"Huh?"

River gazed up at him, her head flopped to her right side and her eyes became glossy as she recalled the memories of a year ago. She squeezed tightly at her legs and sighed, it sounding so remorseful.

"In the Academy, the voices, the many secrets and plots were always screaming in my mind. I couldn't shut them out, I can't so they're always with me. Reality was a mere speck of light in the darkness, it flickered amongst the chaos and I couldn't grasp it. I couldn't grab it like a firefly and place it in a bottle to keep safe. But after Simon came for me, when I was put into cryo-stasis, there was a long period of peaceful calm."

Jayne wasn't going to say anything. Normally his response would have been to become rude and offer insults, but when River paused in her explanation, it was her turn to be surprised at his silence. Jayne sat on the edge of his bed, paying attention. It wasn't the kind of pretend attention he was giving her (whilst his mind secretly thought of guns or knives and food) he was listening intently, his expression curious as if for once he actually wanted to hear what she had to say.

"Only a few thoughts penetrated my cocoon. Simon's…I've always felt him, my brother has such intense brotherly feelings towards me." River finally looked into his eyes. "There was one other's mind, strong, curious and soothing. Yours. I felt you thinking of me and so I reached out to you. You were so different to anything I felt and when you responded to my calls…."

"You finally realized, huh?"

River nodded and shuffled closer to the bed. She turned and leaned her head on the edge next to his leg. She remembered now.

"You helped me, you wanted to do so much for me and no one else had ever thought that except for Simon."

"I ain't ya brother, little bit." Jayne huffed softly.

"I know. What you did think about me, extremely vocal, physical…you thought those without even knowing me-."

Jayne shifted uncomfortably away from her. His whole body stiffened and then he got up from the bed and crossed over to the other side of his bunk in the pretence of washing his hands. River smiled as he rubbed his hand under the tap, even though he never turned on the water.

"It were only just what crossed my mind. Dint mean a thin'" he mumbled after a few minutes of aching silence. "Thought you were somethin' I could keep for myself, keep and probably sell on. Dint think you were a loony crazed government experiment gone wrong…thing."

"Government weapon." River said sliding up from the floor and crawling onto his bed. She ran her face over his blanket smelling gun oil and Jayne sweat. The aroma made something flutter in her abdomen, a warm pleasant flush. "You were excited because you thought there was a weapon inside…you were right. I am one."

"A dangerous one," he replied, now pretending to check his face in the mirror. "An unpredictable one."

"True, but when you knew I was a girl, it excited you. I always have and that has worried you immensely. It's why you were so mean to me."

Jayne spun round suddenly, the quiet, humble and almost regretful tone turning angry and spiteful.

"Are ya done talkin' now? Well done, moon brain…you remembered! Now get before I toss ya out and not just from my bunk!"

"Jayne, you have had these feelings towards me you didn't want to admit!" River snapped back, which surprised them both. She clamped her mouth shut when the threatening and angry Jayne glare bore into her eyes. She bowed her head and waited. The silence of auditory vocals was agonizing, so too was the older man's emotional confliction in her head.

"Ya still here? Are ya deaf now? Did cha not jus' hear what I said? Get!"

"You don't need to feel guilty any more Jayne." she uttered, fondling her fingers with anxiety. "Not for Ariel or for any of those things you said to me. I understand, I comprehend why you kept everything hidden and put on the angry man show for me and the crew. You like her…a lot, but you think you are a dirty old man, too old for the girl and it's not right. You think you cannot be yourself with her around, that she makes you weak and pathetic!"

"Right! That's it!" Jayne stormed over to her and grabbed her roughly by the arm. She didn't flinch or try to pull out of his grasp, River calmly allowed Jayne to drag her up off the bed and over to the ladder. He lightly slammed her against it, thinking she would "comprehend" his annoyance . "I don't go for young little things like ya, nor crazy whack jobs neither! So why don't ya get ya ass up that gorram ladder and away from me?"

River was determined. She shook her head again in defiance.

"I forgot!" she gasped, noting the hint of sadness in her tone. "I forgot what it was like to hear your deeper thoughts! Primal and strong! When I was awake, out of my box, all the conspiracies, lies and dirty little secrets came rushing back. So many new voices overlapped your own, I couldn't see anything of you except what was on the surface and just below. I saw the iceberg, its tip and the shallow jagged edges beneath. I didn't know! I forgot why you were hurting so much and why you wanted to take it out on me and the others. "

"You think you know me, moony?" he seethed right into her face making her feel his heated breath and the light spray of spittle. "I ain't a nice man and I can and will hurt ya!"

"But I hurt you first!" she screamed back, which made Jayne clamp a hand over her mouth. He was beyond angry, but River heard his mind screaming, saw his eyes belying his words. She trembled at his grasp, she shook as his body pressed against her but before he could push her away, her tongue poked from her mouth and licked his palm. His hand retracted and he staggered away from her, his face screwed up in horror and confusion as he wiped the wet River spit on his leg.

"I-!" He could barely get the words out, River could feel his turmoil, the struggle within him, however the Jayne he was so used to being won out. "Get! Get gone right now!"

She didn't want to. River's small body was shaking excitedly as she recalled the sensation of Jayne's thoughts. River remembered how exciting and comforting it was, an uncomplicated mind that wanted her so badly. He was very different from Simon. The stasis chamber had blocked out everything, it had made the voices and screaming quieter than whispers, but his weren't ever whispers.

His was one of the loudest screams she had ever heard.

Jayne is uncomplicated. Direct and to the point, except when it comes to having "feelings." Feelings he didn't understand or appear to want to either.

"I hurt you first by not responding or remembering. You hurt me back. We hurt each other! I forgave you, will you not do the same?"

"Forgive? Ya barge in my bunk at what-ever gorram hour in the gorram morn-!"

"If days and night were applicable, it would be approximately be fourteen thirty," she quickly pointed out to him.

"Half ruttin' two in the morn?" Jayne obviously hadn't realised it was that late in the night cycle, his expression twisted with confusion and surprise before returning back to anger. "MAL!"

He banged his hand on the metal of his room, hoping that the Captain would hear and come and help sort this situation out, make River leave. She couldn't help but smile, because Jayne certainly didn't want her to leave. He was putting on a show again.

"Fine," she said turning away from him and gripping hold of the ladder rungs. "I shall go. I thought that after Miranda, after all we have been through, you might have allowed and acknowledged-!"

"Go."

River felt a wave of upset, she swayed as a combination of her own and his regret swelled inside her. She realized that Jayne wasn't wanting to admit to his weakness or to the fact that there was something other than hate fueling him.

Slowly River climbed the ladder with her head hung low in disappointment. She never had any inkling that Jayne had felt like this towards her and she certainly didn't think that she could return it.

Yes he was physically attractive, rough and scruffy, yet the epitome of man-ness, but the way he treated others, especially her was all a façade.

He was happy here on Serenity. Jayne had finally found a home, just like she had, but it could have been so much more. She could have been his and that thought didn't repulse her in the slightest. She did know Jayne, probably more than he did.

"_I'm sorry."_

A hand grabbed hold of her foot before she could push open the hatch.

"Wait!"

She grabbed harder at the rung and nearly gasped with astonishment as she felt his hand smoothing over her foot and ankle, with gentle pleading strokes.

"_You heard me? You really heard me?" _River closed her eyes and propped her head against the metal. Her hand squeezed tightly and although she knew he had heard her, the overwhelming pounding of his astonishment was clouding his intentions regarding that knowledge. When there was nothing but his fingers still coiled and tingling around her bare foot, River had to look over her shoulder.

He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were closed, but then they opened again, focusing on the smooth cold skin of her foot and trailing up to her ankle and leg, before furiously shutting again. His grip on her ankle pinched harder. He was struggling so hard, so conflicted. River felt it too.

"_I'm sorry, Jayne. For forgetting, for not replying to you, for cutting you. I'm so sorry." _

"Speak to me?" his voice cracked, with that Jayne Cobb anger and a hint of sorrowful ache. "Speak to me again…"

"_You can hear me? Hear my thoughts?" _

"I'm goin' crazy, like you…ain't I?" Jayne mumbled.

"_Not crazy. Connected. Bonded."_

"How, moony? How is ya bein' in my mind even a good gorram thing? You tryin' to make me be like you?"

"_No. Never. We're always alike." _

"Like ruttin hells we are!"

There. It took just one moment of pure certainty from Jayne's mind that made River feel as if her chest had been crushed, her entire body broken and her soul was sucked from her shell.

He was rejecting her? He really didn't want to accept her apology and allow himself to truly feel what she was so certain… her shattered chest choked out a painful sob that she didn't think was possible and in a surprising surge of strength she scrambled up the ladder.

Jayne never released his tight pinching hold on her foot. He pulled down hard that River's grasp on the ladder broke and she fell tumbling back down. In that brief moment, she thought she would crash into the metal floor, but her training, her programming kicked in and her feet readied to land safely. She didn't land on her feet.

She landed in thick muscled arms that enveloped around her. Her back impacted with a solid heaving chest and was held against it for a long _(oh my god) _while, feeling the soak of sweat through his shirt and her night dress, before eventually being spun round. Her face hit into that same chest her back had felt and his aroma, his strong man scent made her go limp in his arms. She closed her eyes but then wrenched back open when a fist grabbed hold of her hair and pulled her head up.

Jayne's face was right next to her ear, breathing heavy and deep.

"This ain't natural. It ain't right. So I'm tellin' ya…."

"_Stay? You want me to stay." _

"Yeah, little Moonbrain. Gorrammit…." _"Stay!" _

Her body nearly came apart, she actually thought that she was going to explode all down her legs. River heard voices unwittingly all the time. Stray thoughts, residue of people's emotions, intentions…but no one, no one had had spoken to her with their mind, on purpose.

"_Jayne…"_

" _Ya ain't goin' __nowhere, little thin'."_

"_I'm yours now?" _

"_If ya wanna be." _

"_I do." _

"_So I am crazy?" _

"_Probably." _

"Nah…I ain't crazy. I'm just a gorram idjit!"

That same "idjit" then did the unexpected.

His crushing motioning lips pressed against hers and River was once again slammed against the ladder. She felt her entire 'verse melt and sink into her. She felt him, everything.

It weren't wrong. It weren't ever unnatural.

It felt perfect. Right.


End file.
